Oral tips for pleasuring vulvas!

In this one juicy post, I’ve gathered a whole host of my most amazing techniques for performing oral sex on your vulva-owning lover! Send them over to the blog to thank me later. 😉

Reassurance

Many vulva owners feel too embarrassed to allow themselves to enjoy oral sex. They might think they look ugly or have a strange taste or smell. They might worry that they're taking too long. Reassure them that you are enjoying the experience, be specific and real about what you love about it. This step is a game changer!!

Consistency

Vulvas enjoy a consistent stroke, so if your partner is enjoying something - KEEP GOING, unless they tell you otherwise. And if they're too embarrassed to tell you verbally, you can read their body language for cues. As Shakira said, the hips don't lie!

Pressure

It's a generalisation, but penis owners tend to be a bit too rough with vulvas, while vulva owners tend to be too gentle with penises. Everyone is different, so play with different levels of pressure, asking for feedback as you go and always start very gently!

Start Slow

A great first move is to use a flat, soft tongue to make long, slow, gentle licks from the vaginal canal up to the clitoris. Repeat again. And again. Mmmm and again!

Lick techniques

Here are some different techniques you can try... you don't have to try them all in one session!

● Lick up and down across the clit.

● Lick to one side of the clit.

● Lick side to side across the clit.

● Lick diagonally across the clit.

● Go in circles around the clit.

Always pay attention to body language to see what's working!

Suck

It might surprise you to learn that the clitoris is the anatomical equivalent of the penis. Many of the things that penises love also feel good for clitorises too. So... try gently sucking your partner's clit and see if it's a winning move!

Penetration

If your partner consents, try including penetration. The female erectile network (clitoris) extends internally inside of the vagina (g-spot), so inserting one or two fingers inside while you use your tongue on their clit might feel amazing.

Bottom Line

Always keep in mind that your enjoyment is also very important for your lover. It’s SUPER hot if you’re into it - and totally obvious if you’re not.

So do it your way! If there’s a part of giving oral sex that you love – revel in it and go wild. If there’s a part you want to avoid – get creative and minimise or remove it altogether.

The most important thing is that you both have fun!

- Lisa Welsh

Lisa is a Sexual Empowerment and Pleasure Coach who helps people to overcome sexual shame and insecurities so that they can step into their true orgasmic nature.

More from Lisa at her website (www.inbedwithlisa.com) or Instagram (@inbedwithlisa).

Bondage For Beginners!

The world of BDSM is vast & might seem intimidating, so consider this blog a first taster into the first letter of that acronym.

B (bondage & discipline)

D (dominance & submission

S (sadism)

M (masochism)

Bondage is all about tying, restraining, binding & even suspending your partner… but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Why?

Let me paint a picture… You’re on the bed with your hands tied about your head, you’re blindfolded, you can sense your partner moving around you, you feel them getting closer, their breath on your body (DELICIOUS ANTICIPATION).

They stroke your waist with their fingertips, it’s electrifying & you want more… they kiss your toes & it blows your mind (HEIGHTENED SENSATION), your adrenaline builds as they begin to tease you - & then stop & then tease & then stop until you’re begging…

OMG. The unparalleled mystery of wondering where your partner will touch you next - coupled with the new sensation of the rope gently chaffing your wrists/ankles… In one word… bondage is exciting. Did I capture your attention? Then let’s get to the serious stuff.

SAFETY

• Rope bondage is never 100% risk-free - which is why informed consent is essential.

• Take your time & practice knots with online tutorials. There are loads of great ones available. Begin with a single column knot which can be used to bind wrists/ankles & is the foundation of many other ties.

• Be careful of cutting off circulation.

• Never tie around the neck.

• Never leave a tied-up person unattended.

• Chat about medical conditions/prior injuries.

• Keep a good pair of scissors handy.

TRUST

• Bondage is NOT for strangers. So, don’t take your handcuffs to your next tinder date Sophie. ;)

• Informed & ongoing consent is essential.

• The psychological power play of surrender & control can actually enrich your relationship.

• Trust will deepen over time as your BDSM practice progresses.

• Use a safe word that will stop all play immediately - Pineapple is a favourite choice!

WHERE TO START

Introduce the idea with a book, a movie, or my favourite line “My friend told me about this thing & it sounds really hot…”

Plant the seed & nurture some curiosity.

If it’s a yes, start simply, you don’t need a whole tool-box to begin. Try holding your partner’s arms down & see what that’s like… “Mmm I loved it when you did that, let’s try it again with handcuffs…”

Then when you get online you can explore the exciting range of tools available. It will feel like you’re opening Pandora’s box of pleasure!!

Moonlight Candy has a fabulous choice of light bondage items to help you take baby-steps into the world of BDSM - to take a look!

- Lisa Welsh

Lisa is a Sexual Empowerment and Pleasure Coach who helps people to overcome sexual shame and insecurities so that they can step into their true orgasmic nature.

More from Lisa at her website (www.inbedwithlisa.com) or Instagram (@inbedwithlisa).

Would you rather fake an orgasm than ask for what you want?

It might be the biggest unspoken secret, but LOADS of vulva owners fake orgasms (especially in heterosexual relationships) a LOT of the time.

Let’s preface this with a reminder that orgasm isn’t everything. Orgasm is just a few seconds at the end of a whole (hopefully) loving and pleasurable experience. But if it never happens, it can start to feel a bit blugh, and your motivation to even try can wane. Goodbye libido!!

So, let’s take a closer look at 3 common scenarios at play here.

1. You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings:

● You worry that asking for what you actually want will make you sound selfish or demanding

● You don’t want to complain or make them think there’s a problem

● You don’t want them to think you’re suggesting they don’t know what to do/how to please you

● You’re too embarrassed to tell them what you REALLY want (eg new positions/fantasies/kinks) in case they judge you or think you’re gross

● So you fake it to boost their ego and make them feel good

2. You don’t actually know what you want

● You feel ashamed to learn about your own pleasure

● You are too embarrassed to explore your body

● You never masturbate or you do it as fast as you can using the one technique that works

● You think that sex should work the way it’s shown in movies/porn

● You’ve never received accurate education about female arousal and orgasm

● You suspect there’s something wrong with you - because you always take so long, and never reach orgasm (especially via penetration) anyway

● So you fake it to pretend you’re normal

3. You think you make sex boring

● You notice that your partner seems ready for "sex" now - so you pretend you are too

● You feel worried that they’re losing arousal/hardness so you hurry up & give up on your pleasure

● You think it’s boring for your lover to provide the kind of consistent stroke that your vulva loves

● So, you fake it to pretend you’re aroused when you’re not there yet

Even though you KNOW that your partner WANTS you to have fun! And that they want to know how to please you!

So, what can you do to get out of this habit?

● Try an affirmation like "My Pleasure Matters" and repeat until you start to believe it!

● Re-educate! Here’s a very quick rundown:

○ Penis and vulva owners have very different arousal patterns

○ It’s normal for erections to soften/harden/soften again during the build up to penetration if that’s where you’re going.

○ Simultaneous orgasms are not a realistic goal - it’s rare to come together

● Stop faking! That’s essentially teaching your partner to do something that won’t get you off - and preventing chance for real connection

● Start exploring! On your own! Slow down, no pressure, no goals, follow your real pleasure.

● Build up courage to communicate &offer positive feedback in the moment

○ Yes, I like that.

○ I love it when you tease me

○ My friend told me this thing that sounds really sexy…

Learning what you love and then asking for it is the most effective way to improve pleasure and intimacy in the bedroom. The power is in your hands baby! (literally)

- Lisa Welsh

Lisa is a Sexual Empowerment and Pleasure Coach who helps people to overcome sexual shame and insecurities so that they can step into their true orgasmic nature.

More from Lisa at her website (www.inbedwithlisa.com) or Instagram (@inbedwithlisa).