MOONLIGHT CANDY BLOG


What the heck happened? You used to rip each other’s clothes off and be at it like rabbits at every opportunity. But now, things are not so enthusiastic. It’s surprisingly easy to pass it up for something more enticing - like an entire season of Outlander on Netflix.


When sex does happen, you know how it will begin, the order of events, the position/s, the noises, the duration, the grand finale. Or not so grand…


You’re so bored that you or your partner may even be avoiding sex. Keeping clothes on. Feigning headaches. Being less available.


PSA: This is totally normal (especially in a global pandemic). It’s not necessarily a sign of a major problem in your relationship. With the amount of stress and “stuff” filling your life, it’s inevitable that something will lose momentum. Sex is often the first thing to go.


And that’s a bit sucky. Because sex is excellent at combatting many of our modern-day ailments! So, let’s talk about what you can do to make things more spontaneous, exciting, and unpredictable in the bedroom once again.


1. Communicate!


If you notice that either of you is feeling bored in the boudoir, ignoring it won’t help. Chat about it in a non-judgemental, relaxed, and positive way - and yes, that can be via text. “I’ve got an idea that I’d love to try with you…” “I read an article and it was so hot…”


2. Keep learning!


When you first got together sex was smoking because you were discovering new things about each other and weren’t sure what to expect at any given moment. But, once you learned the basics about how each other’s bodies responded, you quickly slipped into a routine.


But there are always new things to discover about your own body, each other’s bodies, techniques to try, things to add. I’ve recently discovered the joy of having my toes sucked!! How about your ear lobes, or armpits…?


Make a commitment to never stop learning ways to experience each other’s bodies!


3. Make it sensational!


Another thing you might take for granted is the way you use your senses in the bedroom. Try actively focusing on ALL of your senses, or perhaps just one at a time.


Let’s consider touch. Have you tried every single way to touch your lover’s arm/genitals/toes? Scratching, tickling, slapping, biting, butterfly wing light strokes, kissing, sucking… and that’s just to get you started.


There are SO many ways to excite all of your senses. Get creative!


4. Good vibes!


With so much going on in your head, it can be easy to check out of your body and just go through the motions without an emotional connection. It’s no surprise that this will get boring for both of you if it happens often.


Sex is so much more than a physical act, rubbing body parts together to build friction. The energy and connection between you matter!!


Build good vibes by learning to stay present in the moment (practice mindfulness outside of the bedroom). And, if there is simmering resentment or any unspoken issues that need to be addressed, address them. Bad feelings won’t just go away just because you’re getting jiggy.


5. Location, location, location!


A simple way to bring novelty back to your lovemaking is to do it someplace different. The couch, the kitchen, the car, the cinema, the Caribbean. The world is your oyster. But don’t get into trouble!


6. Schedule sex!


I know, I know. It sounds so unsexy. But with your busy life, if you don’t plan some time to be intimate, it just won’t happen. And if it does, you’re likely to be exhausted and distracted.


Scheduling sex gives you a chance to get in the mood, and you don’t even need to tell your partner it’s on your agenda. Or, you could tease them all day!


7. Be spontaneous!


Yep, contradicting the last point, but this is important. Sometimes, you get so used to the way you do things that the idea of change is uncomfortable. Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone and start noticing opportunities for saucy fun in your daily life.


And it doesn’t have to be all about sex. Just don’t always do the same stuff together - it can be simple. Choose a different dish on the menu, or genre of movie, or route to the beach, or choice of outfit. Mix things up to keep the vibe fresh between you.


8. Play together!


You’ve heard that old phrase… couples who play together, stay together. Well, it’s worth keeping in mind! If sex is boring, it’s likely that your life together is a bit boring too. I’m not trying to call you out here, but I am inviting you to look for opportunities to have fun together outside of the bedroom.


Look for different things to do in your area - cooking classes, hiking, a new bar, live music, a dance class. Open your mind. Only boring people get bored… that’s what my nan says.


9. Spark your own passions!


Bring more passion into your life by doing things you feel passionate about! Learn a new skill, try a new hobby, meet new people. By filling yourself up with juicy new energy, you’ll bring extra spiciness to your relationship. Win-win!


10. Do the work!


Couples who expect that sex shouldn’t take any effort are more likely to be unsatisfied in bed. It makes sense, if you really think about it. In the early days, you put in a lot of effort. Sex was a major priority. You anticipated seeing your lover. You shaved your legs, you thought about them all the time. And now… you don’t do that stuff but expect to be as excited.


All it takes is a mindset shift and a bit of effort to revive your sex life!


My final thought on this is that the opposite of “boring” isn’t “perfect”. That’s not what you should be aiming for, so drop any unrealistic expectations. Sometimes cozy, comfortable predictable sex is exactly what you want. And sometimes you want your socks knocked right off. That’s where the fun lies!!


Let me know in the comments which of these you’re going to work on first! I’m excited to hear from you.


- Lisa Welsh


Lisa is a Sexual Empowerment and Pleasure Coach who helps people to overcome sexual shame and insecurities so that they can step into their true orgasmic nature.


More from Lisa at her website (www.itslisawelsh.com) or Instagram (www.instagram.com/itslisawelsh)

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Do you ever feel that everyone else is having way better orgasms than you? Like you’ve kind of missed a pleasure memo somewhere?


It’s no surprise when we are bombarded with wild and steamy sex scenes in movies, and stories in magazines. The truth is, real-life sex isn’t like what we see on-screen. But, there are some great ways to ramp up the heat in your bedroom. Here are 9 of my favourite steps to help you reach orgasmic bliss!!


1. Breathe. Take full, deep breaths during sex to energise & revitalise your body. Breathing deeply helps you to relax, release stress, and open up to more pleasure.


2. Make sound. Allow your body to release any sounds that naturally want to escape. Don't hold it in. Sigh, moan, groan, growl. If emotions arise, sound them out. There is no wrong way to do this!


3. Movement. Give your body permission to move any way it wants to - unleash it from what you think looks sexy & let your body move. Arch, lift, thrust, twist, shake, grab, curl. Let your body be ALIVE! Don't hold back.


4. Mindfulness. Get out of your head - forget about the to-do list. Be fully present with the sensations in your body, in your connection to the source of all energy, to your partner (if you are having coupled sex). Sex can be a potent form of meditation. And staying present means you’re much more likely to experience the big O!


5. Build the energy. Keep the energy building with continued touch. Alternate between kissing, touch of non-genital areas & genital stimulation. Visualise the energy building up, getting brighter & spreading through your body.


6. Stimulate the clitoris. The VAST majority of vulva owners require direct or indirect clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm, so don't ignore the clit! Use a clean finger, penis, toy or mouth - with lube. Try varying strokes to see what feels best and then maintain it.


7. Combine with internal sensation. If it feels comfortable & you so desire, insert a penis, finger or toy into the vagina to provide a feeling of fullness. You can try stimulating the vaginal walls to see if there are any erogenous zones here.


8. Squeeze the vaginal walls. Try to squeeze or pulse the muscles of the vagina and anus, as if you were trying to stop the flow of urine. This pumps up the sexual energy and can stimulate an orgasm.


9. Let go of the outcome. You can't MAKE yourself have an orgasm, you have to let it happen. Try not to 'chase' an orgasm if you feel close. Relax & allow the experience to be whatever it will be & let yourself enjoy it regardless of what happens.


These 9 steps are your homework, and your time to shine baby! Have fun!


- Lisa Welsh


Lisa is a Sexual Empowerment and Pleasure Coach who helps people to overcome sexual shame and insecurities so that they can step into their true orgasmic nature.


More from Lisa at her website ( www.itslisawelsh.com ) or

Instagram ( www.instagram.com/itslisawelsh )

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In this one juicy post, I’ve gathered a whole host of my most amazing techniques for performing oral sex on your vulva-owning lover! Send them over to the blog to thank me later. 😉


Reassurance


Many vulva owners feel too embarrassed to allow themselves to enjoy oral sex. They might think they look ugly or have a strange taste or smell. They might worry that they're taking too long. Reassure them that you are enjoying the experience, be specific and real about what you love about it. This step is a game changer!!


Consistency


Vulvas enjoy a consistent stroke, so if your partner is enjoying something - KEEP GOING, unless they tell you otherwise. And if they're too embarrassed to tell you verbally, you can read their body language for cues. As Shakira said, the hips don't lie!


Pressure


It's a generalisation, but penis owners tend to be a bit too rough with vulvas, while vulva owners tend to be too gentle with penises. Everyone is different, so play with different levels of pressure, asking for feedback as you go and always start very gently!


Start Slow


A great first move is to use a flat, soft tongue to make long, slow, gentle licks from the vaginal canal up to the clitoris. Repeat again. And again. Mmmm and again!


Lick techniques


Here are some different techniques you can try... you don't have to try them all in one session!


● Lick up and down across the clit.

● Lick to one side of the clit.

● Lick side to side across the clit.

● Lick diagonally across the clit.

● Go in circles around the clit.

Always pay attention to body language to see what's working!


Suck


It might surprise you to learn that the clitoris is the anatomical equivalent of the penis. Many of the things that penises love also feel good for clitorises too. So... try gently sucking your partner's clit and see if it's a winning move!


Penetration


If your partner consents, try including penetration. The female erectile network (clitoris) extends internally inside of the vagina (g-spot), so inserting one or two fingers inside while you use your tongue on their clit might feel amazing.


Bottom Line


Always keep in mind that your enjoyment is also very important for your lover. It’s SUPER hot if you’re into it - and totally obvious if you’re not.


So do it your way! If there’s a part of giving oral sex that you love – revel in it and go wild. If there’s a part you want to avoid – get creative and minimise or remove it altogether.


The most important thing is that you both have fun!


- Lisa Welsh


Lisa is a Sexual Empowerment and Pleasure Coach who helps people to overcome sexual shame and insecurities so that they can step into their true orgasmic nature.


More from Lisa at her website (www.itslisawelsh.com) or Instagram (www.instagram.com/itslisawelsh)

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