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All of us have been frustrated with our partners feeling that only one always initiate sexual intimacy.

But when it comes to initiation the answers are not always that straight forward, but one thing that has been proven to improve initiation from partners is communication.

We have had many times where one partner might feel horny and assume that if you do the dishes or be extra touchy feely the other will notice but nothing happens. No excitement build-up, Nada.

There are partners that have been together for many years and still do not know what turns each other on. That is why as cliché as it sounds it is very important to talk about it. It does not need to be a regular scheduled conversation like a teams meeting, but having the initial sit down will kick off more spontaneous conversations around sex and initiation. Generally if you have a partner who is shy initiating sex you would also find that that person is a pleaser. Pleasers are generally partners who want to keep the other happy at all cost and sometimes to the detriment of their own sexual desires. But pleasers may take time to come to grips with their sexual desires and expression as you communicate and it can be a great way to connect and explore sexually as a couple.

So grab a bottle of wine and light a fire or braai and have a talk about what turns each other on. This will give you insight into how and when initiation for your partner might work. We have included some questions you can ask to get to know each other’s desires.


What is your favourite way for me to let you know I am in the mood?

What is your favourite toy we use as a couple?

How often do you get horny during the week even if we are not together?

Name one time in the past month where I turned you and what did I do.

What is your favourite time of day to have sex?

How do you feel about scheduling sex? (It’s a thing)

Is there something you have always wanted to try but have not?

What is one thing you do not enjoy as much when we have sex?

How do you feel about sending me a text when you are horny just to let me know. Even if nothing can be done about it immediately. 

These few questions will open the door to more and I hope you have more great sex with some kinky surprises in between.



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