Initiating sex can be intimidating.
Putting yourself out there so vulnerably might make you squirm, especially if you don’t consider yourself to be a sexual or sexy person. And even more so if you’ve been rejected in the past.
So, it’s easy to let your partner take the lead, enjoying the feeling of being desired & pursued while they make the first move.
But it shouldn’t always come down to one partner to initiate…after all, it’s fun to keep things fresh, to let everyone feel wanted and to feel powerful too!
Here are my top tips for people who want to initiate sex but feel REALLY awkward about it. These are designed to help you to gently push the edges of your comfort zone, one saucy step at a time.
Talk openly together, explain why you feel nervous and how any pressure will be totally unhelpful. “I want to take the lead sometimes so that you know sex is important to me too and that I desire you, but it feels out of character.”
2. Get Ready
You can’t expect to feel sexy at the flick of a switch, so before you try initiating, focus on feeling pleasure in your own way first. THEN you can invite them in. Create your own sexy ritual – bath, candles, dressing in a way that makes you feel good.
3. Set the mood
Flirt with your partner (a lot and not only when you want sex) and give them plenty of real/specific compliments.
4. Be funny
Be silly, wink, flash a nipple, giggle or seductively eat a banana.
5. Be playful
Chase, dance, wrestle, pillow fight.
6. Be sweet
Cuddle up, climb on their lap, kiss and fondle them.
7. Be direct
Kiss them on the lips and let your hand slide downwards.
8. Be seductive
Leave hints (eg. lingerie in their pocket), make lingering eye contact, flash a stockinged leg, move sensually, stroke your own body, walk to the bedroom.
9. Be vocal
Whisper in their ear, “I want you.” Text, “When you get home I’m going to… Ask “Wanna get naked?”
Always pay attention to their reaction when you initiate and make sure that you have consent before progressing. We’re all human, and sometimes we’re not in the mood. Don’t let it stop you from trying again.
Which of these ideas most appeals to you? Let me know in the comments!
- Lisa Welsh
Lisa is a Sexual Empowerment and Pleasure Coach who helps people to overcome sexual shame and insecurities so that they can step into their true orgasmic nature.